By Rich Castle
Heavy Metal is a place of excess where the outrageous is the norm and the players play like there is no tomorrow.
A landscape of men and women who rock out to the hilt.
Where a ring on each finger is not enough — ya gotta have one or two for each finger.
Where gawdiness and lewd extremisms are tolerated as mere quirkiness. Where worshipping the moon is not enough unless it is called ‘Karma Sutra’s craters of delight’ or something, and is celebrated as being wonderfully artistically monickered.
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Where the man who looks like a woman who acts like they f*ck like a man is par for the course. Where bedding a woman here and there is scorned upon in favor of screwing a different slut every night in each different city — of course there is even more brownie points to be had if the Heavy Metal pack leader is one who is bisexual or gay.
Then there is the religious preference. Where worshipping an imaginary spot on the ceiling or, I dunno, a Viking named 4Loko is considered quite spiritual and rewarding.
Where dying before the age of 60 is preferable and preferably after a long night of orgasmic delight at the hands of a bloodthirsty dominatrix.
Where sex no longer has one x but two= sexx; as in the more the merrier.
Where ghosties and goblins are good company and go with the desired goal of not being content to be alone, but as Canada’s Annihilator explained in one of their 1980s charged up Death Metal songs, that ‘schizophrenics are never alone’.
Where here is there and there is here and everything else on the planet spins in disharmonious relation. Where what makes no sense is desired in the form of a spliff to smoke and explain the world in a nutshell as ‘a crazy place to live in’.
Where instead of marriage counseling one kicks their partner to the curb and goes out and has sex with a streetwalking woman who is the spitting image of Steve Tyler, frontman of Aerosmith, right down to the big ten inch between her legs.
Where dying before the age of thirty-five makes the surviving members of a band happy to announce their band mate’s death to the tune of mucho profits to come when people wanna hear the dead guy sing and buy up the band’s back catalog.
Where Jimi Hendrix can die and be resurrected by the next hot guitar player like Stevie Ray Vaughn who sounds almost even better except for the fact that he dies pretty young also.
Where putting on a costume is not half as good as wearing the mask all the time; just ask Gene Simmons of Kiss if he wanted people to see his ugly face one day to which he would reply ‘Hell no!’
Ozzy Osbourne came along one fine day in 1970, on the album called ‘Black Sabbath‘, after breaking up with his girlfriend because she thought he was a mentally ill paranoid schizophrenic to go and croak into a microphone all the weak faggot type stuff he could sob about and have hordes of fanatical followers of Doom Metal applaud him decades later by saying how different and special he was and still is.
Then Ozzy in his old age lets us know that all he wants to do is hear us scream. Oh yeah! We don’t shake our heads and say ‘what a looney tune this guy is’. No, we say ‘right but what about Tony Iommi, man he is fookin’ great. Am I right or am I wrong or as Diamond Head coined the phrase ‘Am I evil?’.
Like the truly certifiably insane Diamond Head answered this Heavy Metal query with the answer, ‘Yes I am’.
In everyday life when one starts answering their own questions everybody knows that the egg on the shoulders is truly cracked.
But, hey, I’m a cool Metal dude and as my leader, Geddy Lee of Rush has sung to the tune of his manic depressive bandmate, Neil Peart: ‘that’s ‘How It Is’.
Extremity rules supreme in Heavy Metal where dope, guns and f*cking in the streets is encouraged. Extremity rules when Hardcore Punk legends turn on the Heavy Metal like the Dead Boys did in the shade of the late 1970s and declare in ‘Sonic Reducer‘ how they yearn to be quintessential serial killers at large. Music for David Berkowitz to become a reverend by — that waste of life who rots in jail.
And does anyone realize that there are at least ten songs that various bands in Heavy Metal have done to shock us with that pay heed to that natural born killer?
Extremity rules supreme when the bullet belts and the motorcycles and the spikes and the chains come before brains.
Extremity rules supreme when the amplifiers are turned up so loud that the concert goer is so deaf afterwards that listening to the band’s music just can’t be done because ya just can’t hear the freakin’ thing!
Extremity rules supreme, and certainly, for Marilyn Manson and Varg Vikernes when the former happens to be a man who dresses up to look like an ugly woman and the latter is no lady killer but just a plain killer.
Extremity rules in Heavy Metal when there really exists an album that shows a young man who shot his brains out with a shotgun so he could take a picture of himself looking at it — after he slit his throat also. That fool bore the name of Dead and this outrageous fellow howled at the ‘Freezing Moon‘ for ‘The True‘ Mayhem of Norway. Shortly after the aforementioned in this article Varg Vikernes took his retardism out on bandmate Euronymous and silenced his bandmate, guitar player Euronymous.
Extemity doesn’t rule when it simply isn’t cool. Read the previous sentence again by yours truly, Rich Castle, as if it was the greatest phrase in Metaldom.
Which it isn’t but I am making a serious, serious point:
Like a spectator getting some kind of sick glee out of watching people suffer, us Heavy Metal fans like performers who take everything to the next level and sweat sweat sweat.
And have coniption fits on stage.
And on and on and on; it’s heaven and hell, ok?
I had a friend of mine remark how Rob Halford sweat all over him at the Palladium in New York City and how he regrets having had front row seats for Judas Priest. He explained to me that this was back when J.P. were considered one of the heaviest bands on Earth.
Of course we are talking 30 years ago at least. Celtic Frost, Sodom, Possessed, Death, Bathory, Gwar, Cannibal Corpse, Deicide and Obituary would, to name a few, take their Heavy Metal meltdowns to the next level.
So who qualifies as being The Top 10 Most Outrageous Performers in Heavy Metal History?
A literal grab bag of deligtfully sick, twisted and just plain cool characters are on offer with a veritable display of mannerisms, disguises, costumes and accessories that give Hollyweird a run for it’s moolah!
Without further ado I give you the The Top Ten Most Outrageous Performers In Heavy Metal History.
This list is for all time and forever as once you’ve been exposed to one of these Heavy Metal personas non gratis you are never the same again.
And guaranteed, you will run out and buy the CDs, look at the pictures, buy the concert tickets and drink the kool-aid.
That’s why they say ‘there is no business like show business’.
Here, now, is the peanut gallery of the she and hes that are as Cronos of Venom puked:
‘Too loud for the crowd’.
#1 – Glenn ‘The Bent One’ Benton – Deicide
With all the brains of a navel orange, this Floridian Death Metal band leader burned an upside down cross into his forehead and now bears the stupidity scars.
It may be because one day this guy got so bored with his project, Amon, the original name of his band Deicide, who contributed to the 1990s in being the most depressingly scary decade in the history of mankind, sans that almost equally scary decade that started with The Year Of Our Lord 1 Anno Domini with Judas ‘The Betrayer’ whispering sweet nothings into the ear of J.C., that he contemplated this amazing feat by staring into a toaster wishing he was the toast.
Glenn Benton obviously can’t walk into a Walmart without people saying ‘Oh my God, he has the mark of the beast!’
#2 – Oderus Urungus/Dave Brockie – Gwar
This man had the certainly-not-God fearing audacity to pledge to have sex with anyone who voted for his ghoulie band Gwar to win the ‘2011 Revolver Golden Gods award for Best Live Performance‘.
The self-assessed malevolent midget mutilator is the lead throated thing that bellows the warcry upfront for the Heavy Gore Metal troupe institution known as Gwar.
Looking like a big, roasted pig with three horns visible; two on his head and one betwixt his legs for all this damned world’s Heavy Metal legions to see. David Brockie is an abomination of desolation that refused to go back to the sewer pit after a couple of albums.
This oogly face hasn’t broken any hearts but sure has led to many breaking the records his band Gwar has made as the music doesn’t stand up most of the time as a pure audio experience.
I guess Dave Brockie plans on doing the nasty on stage till he is 100 years old. Why not, he’s the stupidest freakin’ thing Satan’s retarded elves ever created.
No I don’t mean Santa.
#3 – Rob Halford – Judas Priest/ Halford/ Fight/ Two
Anybody who can give us a leather and studs Christmas album, in the shape of ‘Halford 3: Winter Songs‘ after fronting Heavy Metal badboys Judas Priest has got to be deemed outrageous.
Rob Halford is so over the top that the top ain’t even there.
#4 – Satyricon – Satyr
With ‘Black Crow On A Tombstone‘ peeling the black paint off of Hell’s own walls, this slick Norwegian has got to hold onto one of his huge black horns at the front of the concert stage so that Satan himself doesn’t drag him off of it.
Frighteningly real and really frightening; I urge you to listen to ‘Black Crow‘ on YouTube and tell me you ain’t witnessing an outrageous apocalypse of your own soul.
#5 – Ozzy Osbourne – Black Sabbath/ Blizzard Of Ozz
Who would bite the head off of a live bat for a publicity stunt. This brainless stunt was performed by this British eternal stoner way back in the dust of the last century, but no one has forgotten.
Ozzy is crazy, paranoid, and loved by millions.
#6 – Max Cavalera – Sepultura/ Cavalera Conspiracy
It is outrageous how much this guy sweats on stage. So much so that you can almost smell him.
The Barry White of Death/Thrash Metal. Don’t send him any flowers as this Portuguese roaring nutcase would stink ’em dead. Sorry girls but along with brother Igor Cavalera the vision is morbid.
#7 – Stiv Bators – Dead Boys
Outside of Cold Sweat from the Bronx, this seminal Punk Metal outfit played the most outrageous tunes with all the bad mannerisms this side of Johnny Rotten and The Sex Pistols. Stiv and company stood in the bathtub on one of the Dead Boys‘ legendary album covers.
I have never seen so much spastic movements on stage, from this guy, in all my life.
#8 – Lemmy Kilmister – Motorhead
How could such an ugly dude claim to hold the record for most females ever done, huh? Somebody tell me please. Not that I really care to know the truth as this man’s warts can turn the lights off in Kennedy Airport such is it’s dread power to enchant.
And Motorhead’s music is getting uglier also as Lemmy is making Heavy Metal at the obscene age for this stuff at the diaper wearing age of 100. And that was 20 years ago.
#9 – The Great Kat – Kat
America’s violin-turned-guitar playing shredder The Great Kat takes the number 9 spot in this list as well as the honor of being part of The Top 50 Worst Heavy Metal Bands Of All Time list compiled right here in Death Scream Magazine.
This multifaceted she devil creature is not part of this list because of her guitar or violin playing virtuosity but rather because of her mouth.
Her hoarse throat never stops self exulting ad nauseum. If musical masturbation really was the criteria for selling albums, her disgusting speaking voice and worse lead vocal bellow would ruin it.
#10 – Pat Ranieri – Hellwitch
Outrageous can also be a good thing as in the case of the seemingly immortal warrior/lead guitarist of Hellwitch, Pat Ranieri, who is the leader of the first band to play Death Metal, beside Death themselves, and the last word anyone needs on the topic as evidenced on his band’s latest studio LP, ‘Omnipotent Convocation‘; quite possibly the best heaviest Death Metal album ever recorded.